I told her in a concerned voice that “we handled it” and “we had a long discussion” and “it won’t happen again” etc. I rolled out of bed and took my daughter to school the next morning her teacher came out to talk to me. We got home super late so I just brushed my teeth and went to bed without taking a shower. Mike was totally proud of himself for making me the HAPPIEST WOMAN ALIVE because I stalker-love old Tom. It was pretty much AWEEEEESSSSSSSSOOOMMMMEEEEEE!!!! I was positively euphoric, sang every song, screamed like crazy, became hearing impaired and got a contact high. This was good news because Mike and I were going to see Tom Petty that night and I wanted to get there before he died. WTF?Īnyhow, she finally calmed down and I assured her that we were going to keep her. I finally said “Honey, I never even knew my school had a playground because I was always in trouble but seriously look how good I turned out!” She just looked at me and started crying harder. She cried for two solid hours when she got home and I was NOT even mad at her. Her teacher informed me that my daughter was positively hysterical. I received an e-mail from her teacher titled “WORST DAY EVER!!!” Apparently my child had to flip not one but TWO cards (this is the American watered down version of corporal punishment for sensitive children, modeled after those uber effective public canings in Singapore) for talking when she wasn’t supposed to. On Wednesday, my seven year old got in trouble at school for the first time ever.
FASCINATING WOMANHOOD FACEBOOK HOW TO
Annnnnd after scanning the back cover to get a brief synopsis on how to be a good wife, I realized I am now a lesbian.
Fortunately, I found a book in the clearance section at the grocery store titled Fascinating Womanhood to assist me with any questions that might arise during my transition into “domesticated woman”. Mike has expressed his disdain for facebook on numerous occasions, so to appease his yearning for an attentive wife I decided to sacrifice my need for happiness rendered by social interaction and have resumed all “none-invasive” wifely duties to date. It is agonizing not knowing who went grocery shopping, has the flu or can answer twenty questions about me! Ahhhhhhh! And because I am too poor to check myself into that swanky rehab center in Utah I have just had to grapple with the cold sweats and hallucinations all on my own. I am sooooooooo glad I never smoked crack, I heard that shit is even worse if you could possibly imagine. (Hang head) I have been sober for almost two days now and let-me-tell-you this is not easy. Hi my n-n-n-ame is Erin and I am addicted to social networking. Last week I decided to shut down my personal facebook account.